Friday, August 30, 2013

I bleed Crimson!

Thank God it's Friday but more so, Thank God Football Season is here!!
I just wish I could keep calm.. I'm so excited for tomorrow's game.


While Rob and I don't have any big Labor Day plans, I do plan on being glued to the TV tomorrow while my Team whoops some butt!  It's been too long!  Today I'm linking up with Stephanie for another "edition" of Happies and Crappies.  If you haven't checked out the Link up yet, you should!


--I've been filling out applications like crazy (still) and I finally got a call back from a job I wanted, the very next day.. they asked me if I wanted full time or part time and said I would get a call back before the end of the week.  Well, it's the end of the week and although the day isn't over yet, I haven't heard from anyone.  This is super frustrating.

--I wore an old bathing suit this week and got sun in some not so fun places.  You would think that after two days it wouldn't hurt anymore, but it does.  Boo!

--All of the sudden my Driver's side window won't roll down.  If you know anything about cars, the window motors are a pain in the ass to replace.  Believe me!  It's starting to be a little cooler in the afternoons so I want to be able to roll down the window.

--One of our friends is having a baby shower tomorrow and while we would love to go.. it just hits too close to home for me and I can't put myself in that position.  I don't want to the be the Negative Nancy there nor do I want to stir up emotions for myself.  I hope that I can move past sad feelings in the near future!


--Rob and I are house sitting for two weeks at my Parent's house which means that we will have a larger space (much larger) to "dwell" in that has a pool.  WOOT!

--My boss told me that I looked like I've lost weight today and I have!  I'm wearing an Alabama shirt that was snug (I shouldn't have dried it) and now it's loose!  That made me feel good. And I actually put on a little makeup today so with the compliment, I actually feel a little better about myself today.  

--I got to spend some "quality time" with my bestie!  Even though I'm complaining about my sunburn, it was nice to have girl time and I was glad to be able to be around for my best friend on an "important day" for her.. (it was the one year anniversary of her Father's passing) sometimes no one understands your pain like your best friend!
(Even though Levi got his "summer cut", he wanted to lay in the shade with his toy)

--And as I have already mentioned.. the BIGGEST HAPPY OF THEM ALL-- Football season is here!  Alabama plays tomorrow and all of my Bama gear is ready to go.  I even have my game schedule in my phone..

Once again, I'm linking up with Whitney.. I love this song and can't listen to it enough.
Thanks Helene!

Wake Me Up by Avicii ft. Aloe Blacc on Grooveshark

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

If you thought Miley's twerking was bad...

 I first saw this clip on the MTv show Ridiculousness.. while I'm "hip" and all that jazz, I don't watch that show but my fiance likes to annoy me on the weekends (if he decides to get out of bed but we all know that story).. once I heard of this Miley Cyrus stuff and saw it with my own eyes, I knew there were no words that needed to be said, just that clip posted.  That is the VERY reason why, if I had my 8 1/2 year old (that passed away at birth).. he would NEVER EVER EVER EVVVVVVVVVVVVVER get to watch the Disney Channel.. God forbid he like Hannah Montana and I have to explain to him why Mommy cut our cable services and won't allow him to go to Target or Walmart anymore.  Now.. with that being said-- I'm sure that her PR's were behind it and she's worth over 120 million.. I've read the stats.. but come on.  She may be laughing all the way to the bank but I'm swallowing vomit all the way to the toilet.

The stories behind your photos..

Because in some places, mowing fences is just what people do! Seriously, I'm not a "mud lovin' Redneck".. my neighbor just needed to borrow the mower and I kindly obliged. It just so happened that I was caught in the act.  With that being said, I don't mind one bit especially because I am normally the one behind the lens. If it's secretly attempting to snap a shot of the "hoochie mama" at the doctor's office with her pregnant belly hanging over her extremely tiny shorts and her butt cheeks hanging out, one of my friend's kids doing something hilarious (or obnoxious), maybe even me grabbing something in the grocery store and stopping to pose -- I love photos, the funnier and strange, the better. And I love when they have a story to tell. (I will add that I didn't post crazy pictures of my friends because most of them don't read or participate in this blog and that wouldn't be fair or nice!)

Happy Tuesday!  I'm linking up with my home skillet, Neely, for Never Ever Ever..
and today I just have a few things for you--

Never Ever Ever..

Will I be able to go an entire day without laughing.

Will I be able to wish that I could heal others when they are sad or hurt.

Will I be ashamed of who I truly am.

Will I stop laughing at myself or stop thinking that I'm hilarious.

Will I stop being addicted to my iPhone and wish I could upgrade or learn new tricks!

Will I stop taking pictures and enjoying the stories they tell..

Which leads me to this...

(beef drapes anyone? lol sorry, it was funny at the time!)

I happen to stumble upon this little gem today and it inspired me and entertained me..

Before digital cameras and iPhones, when I had my bulky, pain in the ass but loyal Canon.. I would go through so many rolls of film.  I swore that the Goth chick at the Winn Dixie photo lab needed to be bribed with money to keep her from ratting me out to the authorities (we were just a little crazy).  She seemed cool though.  I would always get doubles and share the best pictures with the Bestie and get credit back for the not so appealing photos that we need not keep.  All of these incriminating photos are now boxed up and double taped.  

*Crazy story-- My Father ran for State Rep (early 2000's) and his team of Campaigners wanted to look through family photos, so my Mom pulled out boxes and allowed them to have at it and pick out the best of the best for his flyers.  I get a phone call from my Mother who is in hysterics claiming that she luckily found pages out of a photo album of mine and they weren't exactly something that would be good for the Campaign.  Hint: Spring Break. Panama City. Club La Vela-- we knew the Owner at the time.. yeah! OUCH!

Anyways.. not only do I take crazy pictures from partying in Panama City, but I take stupid/goofy/random/etc, stuff.. and I wanted to share them with you today.  I'm sure you all have taken a few of your own and I encourage you to share them-- if you dare!


This is OLD, so the quality blows but it was such a fun time.  There's a place called Buck's Pond where you can go fishing WITH A PERMIT among other things but the best part is that it's close to one of the Military Bases and they have dumped old stuff like this on the HUGE property.. perfect for me to jump on and strike a pose!

Because after 200 pictures in the horrid heat, after a long Graduation and a BBQ lunch brings out the worst in siblings.  But I heart them!!

Being young and PRECIOUS is hard enough.. but when your Mom and Aunt are obsessed with their phone cameras (along with your every move) and catch you mid song-- the picture goes viral.

When your favorite holiday is Halloween, your best friend starts decorating Labor Day, you have a 12 pack of beer, and you need to entertain yourself.

This is what happens when we move my Grandmother out of her Assisted Living "Space" and people leave me alone.. only to discover that there are diapers left in the top of the closet.  This gave me the giggles for days-- especially because I took a few of them home and would invite people over and have them on when they came in, acting as if it was normal.  It makes me wonder where they are-- Rob didn't see the humor in them so he probably threw them away the first chance he got!

Who doesn't go to the craft store and wear holiday gear for photos? Plus, I'm Irish!

There are no words.. just good times!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Hello Monday

Ok.. so nobody likes Mondays and if you do, hmm well, weird much? Anyway!  Before I went to bed last night, I promised myself that I would do my very best to wake up with a positive attitude.  Today I'm super serious about losing weight and being held accountable for getting fit and healthy.  I had Rob take before pictures of me last night and I figured I would post one of them, even though they are super dark.  I spoke to him last night about my goals and he's being really supportive, so that helps!  The best part is that he's going to "diet" with me, so he's on board with healthy meal planning!  Woot! 
(The front view was terrible so you only get the side, funny view.. for now)

Yesterday afternoon I wasted spent my day painting at my Parent's house and I cannot wait to be done but that's not the point.. Rob cooked some type of beef ribs and we BBQ'd some yummy corn on the cob and veggies.  I will ALWAYS love veggies on the grill.  Next time you try it, I recommend mixing them with a little EVOO, Greek Seasoning, and Soy Sauce.. they turn out so good.  Do you have a good recipe for grilled veggies???

(I sprayed the corn with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter when it came off the grill)

My bestie Kaitlyn stopped by with baby Oliver aka Squishy and although I couldn't get him to look at the camera for a picture, he was such a doll as always.  And Levi was front and center during the grilling.  Oh and I can't forget that I'm linking up with Bre.  If you haven't checked out their link ups, you should.  

How was your weekend??
Do you have any diet tips you can share?
Any yummy, healthy recipes?
Can you help with a little motivation? PUH LEASE?

Sunday, August 25, 2013

I see Gorillas!

Good Morning!  Happy Sunday.. or whatever you want to call it.  I'm linking of with one of my favorite gals, Neely, for another Sunday Social.  If you haven't linked up yet, you should.  But first, I want to show you a little something I found yesterday while driving over to my Parent's house.  In one area of Pensacola near Bayou Texar, there is a strip of HUGE houses that look like something you would see on the Real Housewives and in my opinion, they just look so out of place but that's neither here nor there.. anywho-- I was driving past yesterday and spotted Gorillas in one of these gated yards.  Yes, I said Gorillas.  I knew I had to get a picture so I turned my car around, pulled in their driveway (I wonder how many times someone has done that) and got a picture.  I was a little scared the gates would open or the "call box" would start talking to me and ask me to get off their property, so it isn't the best photo.. 
(These things are huge too!!)

And now for your Sunday Social..

1. What do you miss most about being a kid?
My childhood was great, considering that my Parents were and still are awesome people. However, I was always the tall and overweight kid and that was pretty rough on me.  If I had to pick anything about my childhood that I miss, I guess it would be getting everything I asked for or wanted.  I never went without, that's for sure.  And birthdays, I had some cool birthday parties. (I will just continue living vicariously through my friend's kids and all their cool childhood memories because stuff is so much cooler now than it was in my childhood anyways!)

2. Dd you have a nickname growing up? What was it?
Ha.  I remember being called your usual "fatso" and stuff like (kids are so mean-- if you're a parent, I hope you know that hatred is taught and calling names like that sticks with someone for the rest of their life) that but as far as my family goes, I remember being called by my first and middle name, "Jamie Lyn".  When my nephew was born, my sister had him call me "JJ" and that stuck.  My niece and nephew both still call me that as well as my brother in law too.  

3. What was your favorite thing to do at recess?

In Elementary school, I remember enjoying walking around the school yard on Fridays.  I didn't like any "contact" sports.  I just wasn't good at them.  In middle school, once I got to private school, I really enjoyed Volleyball.  I was good at it with my height and was never told to run lines or anything like that-- it's not fun being obese and treated like every other kid who had NO problem running a mile.

4. What did you want to be when you grew up?

I always loved animals and was allowed to volunteer at a Horse Farm so I knew I wanted to be a Vet, as well as I worked at many Animal Hospitals at a young age too.  I was just your little animal whisperer.

5. Did you participate in any school activities?

I played Basketball for the year and a half that I was at a private Christian middle school. While I enjoyed it, my time at that school was short and when I transferred schools, the new school had no sports.

6. What is the funniest thing you did as a kid that your parents still remind you about?

My parents don't remind me of funny things that I did-- they just tell me how much of a smart ass I was and how they should have beat my ass more!  Seriously.

I hope that everyone is enjoying their weekend!  I will be spending the rest of my day playing with blue tape and paint aka painting at my Parent's house.  Chances are, this little project will carry on for a few days and I'm not real excited but it will give me something to do other than sitting on the couch and waiting for a job to fall in my lap!
(yes, Levi offered his help)


Saturday, August 24, 2013

I'm feeling 32! Diets/Cleaning/Day Sleeping

I'm pretty open on this blog and I'm not really concerned about airing dirty laundry time and again, because.. after all-- this is MY space.  So today, I just want to bitch and moan a bit and SORRY, I'M NOT SORRY!

Let's start with this little parody! 
(which I have been singing, in not so many words, for awhile now)

I'm bloated.  Not only because I've gained weight and need to lose 45-55lbs but over the past couple of days, I'm full of shit.  Literally.  Can a sister get some Miralax? (I've already had two bottles of water full of it and am awaiting the results. While I joke about this, it is very scary to me because this was one of the issues I had before I got very, very sick in 2011 and almost died.  I'm sure I'm not going to kick the bucket anytime soon but it's the worst feeling and I would rather have a root canal) I've been drinking water/eating ice all day, every day.  Why is this happening to me?  Bleh.

Speaking of gaining weight.. getting back on track with a diet/exercise plan is NOT easy. Especially when you are the only one doing it.  Rob can tell me, until he's blue in the face, that he wants to lose weight too.. but that means nothing if I'm the ONLY person preparing the meals, doing the workouts, and providing the motivation.  I don't need someone to hold my hand while I'm on the treadmill but it would be nice to have someone participate!  I'm being a baby, aren't I?  I can't help it!

I've been through years of dealing with my weight.. therefore, I should know this drill. But the last time I lost weight was when I was stuck in a hospital bed, half dead, for a month with a feeding tube.  I literally had to put no work into it other than staying alive and not sneaking out of the hospital each day to find water (I wasn't allowed to have any water, not even ice chips, by mouth for over a month).  That was pretty extreme, I know.. since extremes seem to work-- maybe I just won't buy anything and live off ice and vitamins.  Rob can just figure something out on his own.  Hmmmm.

I was reading a few of my favorite blogs today and one of the gals mentioned something about blogging on Saturdays and how no one really does it.  Ok.. here I sit, blogging.  Is there something wrong with me? (Don't answer that)  But seriously.  There weather isn't great here but I can still think of some things to be doing-- starting with cleaning my floors.  Also, I've gotten a text from my best friend, letting me know that she's downtown (minutes away from me in walking distance) and another text inviting me for birthday celebrations in that same location later tonight.  Although I would love to hang out with my BFF, I'm not real interested in going out to a bar and one would think that I wouldn't want to slave away on my floors.. but as usual, I'm sitting here staring at Rob sleep.  If you read this blog on the reg, then you are aware we are in a studio condo.  It's almost 4pm and he has gotten up to eat and promptly gotten back in bed.  While he does get up early each morning and work long days, I get up too.  I just don't understand sleeping an entire day away.  As I listen to him snore..

And you know what's the worst part?  There's NOTHING on Bravo but reruns that have been played over and over and over.  Wah.

I hope everyone else is having a better day than I am!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Friday.. is "What I Got"

I know that it's probably JUST ME.. but this week has flown by!  That's only because my employers have been out of town and I haven't done much, except a little soul searching.  Monday I will be starting a new "diet" and exercise plan but I don't even want to call it a diet but a life change. I'm not happy with myself and things seem to be falling through the cracks.  I can't blame these feelings on the miscarriage anymore--
I've got to pick myself up by the bootstraps and figure it all out.  Monday is game on!

Once again, I'm super happy to run a train on this Friday and link up with some of my favorite gals, Stephanie-- if you haven't yet-- DO IT, just DO IT!

Happies & Crappies...

Of course, we'll start with the Happies this week which are also my five (plus a few) great things to share for the link ups (multitasking at it's greatest, folks)--

1) I haven't killed anyone!  I've been really stressed and no one has been verbally assaulted or physically injured. WOOT!

2) I've finally realized that I need to get back on a health kick and am working towards getting meal plans together and an exercise plan (hopefully all my blogs won't be about how much I hate all of it and how much I hurt from kicking my own ass).

3) I've discovered FREE Xbox Music on my new laptop (with Windows 8) and I think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread.  I hated Windows 8 at first because I hate learning something new and it's "different" but this makes it so much better!

4) I finished ALL the laundry but the couch cover, our comforter (which is actually just a semi thin down), and our pillow cases!  Oh yeah!

5) It's almost been a month since I've smoked a cig!

6) I got to spend time with my BFF Raven this week.  It's been awhile since we could hang out due to her crazy overnight Big Girl Job (she's a Respiratory Therapist) and she's been "busy".. hehe.  Anyway, I adore that we can always pick up where we left off and have fun with mustaches.  But now I'm out of "new ones" so I'm on a hunt-- the used 'staches can now be found stuck to my fridge, because that's how I roll.

7) My Parents FINALLY broke down and bought "floats" for their pool.  Rob spent a lot of time cleaning the pool (I helped some!) and we have been wanting to spend more time there but it's no fun to lay on concrete and attempt to get a tan.  We brought over some cheap floats but those only last so long.  I'm so excited to check these bad boys out soon!
(excuse my crappy picture, I was in a hurry-- beer holders ANYONE?)

And the Crappies.. (dun dun dunnn)

1) I've filled out so many applications online this week and haven't heard back anything yet.  I'm so impatient.  I don't understand why a lot of jobs that aren't "special" don't want you to have visible tattoos-- who cares?  Just because I have tattoos that aren't offensive on my arms does NOT mean that my customer service won't be on point.

2) I'm moody.. and I hate it.  I don't want to hear people smack and I don't understand why people feel the need to taste their food loudly-- it makes me want to kill someone. I will never understand why people gulp either.. it makes my blood boil.

3) I haven't found a way to get Rob to stop rubbing his chest in the kitchen, over white tile floor.. (it leaves curly, black hairs on my floor.. they don't sweep up.. and I'm sick of having to lean over, with the vacuum half apart, and vacuum this shit up due to my extreme OCD.. oh, and his "dip crumbs".  I will never understand this or excuse this because "He is a man").

2) Even though Rob fixed the car, now the driver's side window won't roll down.. I guess it's a good thing that I quit smoking, eh?

3) Below Deck is over.  It's a tragedy, I know.  And so is Catfish.  I missed the final, "Reunion" show.. if that's even what they were calling it.  I'm sure it will be played over and over but I am ready to see if now.

--- Did anyone know that MTv did a show with Maci from Teen Moms called "Being Maci"?
Me either.. until I saw it the other day.  I haven't been much of a Teen Mom follower until my friend Amber told me that her sister was Caitlyn and then when I heard that Farrah did a porno (that was only because my favorite morning show shock jocks wouldn't shut up about it for days).. anyways-- I'm not going to jump on the follower band wagon but it was a decent show to watch at 8am when I couldn't go back to sleep and I was reading blogs.  Just sayin'.

PS-- If you haven't Backed That Azz Up with Whitney yet.. you probably should!  All the cool kids are doing it! (and you can hear some good music to start your weekend)

What I Got by Sublime on Grooveshark



Throwin' It Back Thursday

Happy Thirsty Thursday, right?  Not here, not today-- it's Throwback Thursday!  I'm always seeing my friends do the whole "hashtag throwback Thursday" crap on Instagram so I figured I would jump aboard and dig up some pictures.  Mine aren't all too exciting but they remind me of some good times!

This first picture was taken at O'Riley's Bar on St. Patrick's Day.  They have a HUGE celebration that is pretty insane.  I ended up having a pretty epic costume (pictured below) and hanging out with some good friends, Matt & Stephanie.  Sadly, Stephanie was hit by a car last year, leaving behind her 3 year old daughter.  Next is me, attempting to play Guitar Hero.  Word to the wise.. don't play with me.  I get mad when I mess up and want to start the entire game over.  Notice that I'm sitting right next to the keg fridge?
And then you see me and my bestie Raven, this was taken right before she left for Jacksonville, FL to attend school.  Thank God she's back!
(pretty epic, huh?)

When visiting the beach in my town, you often are stuck in traffic.  Leave it to me to act retarded silly while riding in the car.  I'm always doing something dumb and stopping to take a picture! And mudding, oh wow!  I had JUST got my Explorer and decided what better way to break her in than to take her out and get her dirty?  Not smart.  We ended up getting stuck (for the first time ever).  Needless to say, I didn't mud in that car again because we sat there for a couple hours waiting for a tow truck.  The best thing was that the area had some ponds and old cemeteries so we wandered around.  And lastly, who doesn't love fishing?  Leave it to me to catch something crazy-- a puffer fish!
Poor guy, I let him go though.


Ahhh I remember when gas was this "cheap" (I can't believe I'm saying that actually).  It's pretty sad.  When I was in high school (now I sound like an old lady), the gas was $0.86... WAH! Halloween.. oh how I love Halloween.  I've mentioned before that my Father owns a Professional DJ business but I don't think that I've ever told anyone on the blog that he gets paid to impersonate Elvis.  He has numerous costumes like the one below.  I loved wearing it and got so many looks.  I can never possibly trump this get up.
Word to the wise-- don't drink boxed wine all day at the beach and then pass out while your two friends stay up all night partying without you.

Ahhh.. those were the days.  I don't party like I used to, nor do we really go out anymore but these pictures sure do bring back memories!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The Cool Mom (Gay Parents & Kids?)

The other day my friend Mommy Man- Adventures of a Gay Super Dad. If you have never visited his website before,  It is pretty awesome. I've been told more than once that I have pretty strict views when it comes to parenting and I'm more than okay with that-- I've also been told by the same people that I'm pretty laid back when it comes to views on how children feel and how they view things.  Like my feelings on hatred being taught by parents and how it enrages me. I want my children to love everyone and be open to love.  Most certainly, I don't want to hinder that love by any comments I've made or any feelings they may have picked up by me.  Therefore.. this article struck a cord with me and I hope that many people can learn from it.
(If you learn from this article.. please click the above link because not only is this writer humorous but he offers so much awesome info on how to speak to your children about matters that aren't always so easy.)

How to Talk to your Children About Gay Parents
Jerry Mahoney

Imagine you’re at the train station, taking your kids into the city to see the Lion King.  A man steps off the 6:16 from Grand Central, and two toddlers run up to him shouting, “Daddy!  Daddy!”  He gives out two hugs and about a thousand kisses and tells them how much he missed them while he was at work.  You’ve witnessed scenes like this many times, but as always, your heart melts.  Then the dad stands up, walks a little further down the platform and kisses… another man.

Well, that’s different.

“How was your day?” the first guy asks, and the other one starts talking about who got time outs, why the kids have maple syrup in their hair and who flushed what down the toilet right before they left.

OK, back to normal.

You’ve probably done the math by now — Look!  Gay dads! — but there’s a decent chance you’ll feel a tug on your leg, and your kid will look up at you and ask, “Yo, what’s the deal there?”

This is the story of my life.  I am a gay dad, and I confuse children.

I’m sure it happens more than I realize – at the supermarket, at the park, at MyGym.  Just by acting like any other parents, my partner Drew and I are inadvertently sparking countless conversations that start with, “Where’s their Mommy?”

You’re free to handle that question however you want, of course.  But if you don’t know where to begin, allow me to help.

You see, when Drew and I decided to have kids, we knew that the gay dad job description would include explaining our family to the world for the rest of our lives.  That’s one of the reasons I started my blog.

It’s also why I am kindly providing you, the sympathetic straight parent, with some guidelines.  (Unsympathetic straight parents are free to ignore my suggestions, in which case, I’ll enjoy watching them squirm.)  Obviously, what you say will depend on how old your kids are and how much exposure they’ve had to gay people previously, but in a broader sense, these suggestions should apply to anyone.

I’m not a child psychologist, just a gay dad who’s thought a lot about the issue and who has a big stake in it.  After all, I don’t want your kids coming up to my kids one day and telling them they’re weird for not having a mommy.

If you don’t want that either, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Use the word “gay”.

How to Talk To Your Children About Gay Parents

Everyone’s concentrating on taking the negative connotation away from the word “gay”, but at the same time, let’s not forget to encourage the positive.  We don’t want “gay” to be a curse, so go ahead and teach it to your kids.  That’s how we’ll really take the sting out of the word.

“Oh, Uncle Doug and Uncle Max?  They’re gay.”  “Aunt Vera and Aunt Debbie aren’t sisters, honey.  They’re lesbians.”  “Well, statistics suggest at least 3 of the Smurfs must be gay.”  Don’t make a big deal about it.  Just say it.  If your kids hear some jerk at school sneering, “That’s so gay!”, their response will be, “Yeah?  So what?  So are Uncle Max and, most likely, Brainy.”

You could also use the word “queer”, I guess, but then your kids and I will just think you’re a pretentious dweeb.

2. You don’t have to pretend half the world is gay. 

How to Talk To Your Children About Gay Parents

Don’t play down the fact that your kids may have witnessed something unfamiliar.  “Geez, Madison.  They have two daddies, what’s the biggie?”  It’s natural for poor little Madison to be confused, so give her a damn break.

Kids are probably going to assume all families have one mommy and one daddy, because that’s all most of them see.  Be honest, and use words like “most” and “some”.  “Most families have a mommy and a daddy… but some have two mommies or two daddies.”  As long as you don’t attach a value judgment to that statement, it really is no biggie.

Some kids might say something like, “That’s weird”, or they’ll think you’re playing a joke on them.  That should just be a reminder of why you’re having this conversation.  Get to your kid before ignorance does.  If you’re honest with them, they’ll get it.  Explain that gay families are less common than the usual mommy/daddy family, but they’re every bit as valid.  “It’s not weird, it’s just different than our family.”

3. Get your mind out of the gutter.

It seems silly that I even have to say this, but when some people think about homosexuality and kids, they imagine that you’re suggesting they graphically describe intercourse to kindergarteners.  Um, no.  All you should be doing is answering the questions they’re asking, and save the rest for junior high health class.  If they wonder why Owen has two daddies, it’s because “His daddies are in love”… or because “Some men love other men.”  Hopefully, you’ve taught your kids to understand what love is, so no further explanation should be required.

And do use the word “love”.  That’s what we’re talking about here.  You don’t need to say “attracted to” or “some boys like boys”.  “Like” is how they feel about each other.  A kid might think, “Well, I like boys.  I guess I’m gay.”  Compare it to your own relationship (assuming you have a good relationship).  “You know the way Mommy and I love each other?  That’s how their daddies (or mommies) feel about each other.”  And if your kid says, “Yuck!” it’s probably because they feel the same way about you and your wife.  That’s progress.

4. Don’t make it about your kid — yet.

Understanding gay parents is a big enough topic of discussion, and your kid probably won’t be prompted to wonder about their own sexuality at this point.  You don’t need to say, “You might marry a man someday yourself, Junior!”  While it’s great to plant the seeds of acceptance early, you’ll probably just end up confusing them more.  Your kids have plenty of time to figure their own feelings out, and when the time comes, make sure you let them know that you love them no matter what.  But no, they can’t marry Brainy Smurf.

5. If your kid does ask you to speculate, you can tell them they’ll “probably” be straight.

Again, only if your kid expresses some curiosity should you even broach the subject.  But if they’re wondering, “Who will I marry someday?”, feel free to tell them, “You’ll probably marry someone of the opposite sex, but I’ll accept you either way.”  Of course, if you’re like the mom from the amazing blog Raising My Rainbow, your “probably” might lean the other way.  Just take your cues from your kid.

6. Remember the magic phrase, “Everyone ends up with the right parents for them.” 

It’s possible your kids will ask something like, “But doesn’t everyone need a mommy?”  Even kids who don’t know exactly where babies come from understand that women are the ones who get pregnant and give birth.  When that’s all you know, then two daddies just don’t add up.

Again, don’t go into any more detail than you need to.  Remind your kid that while it’s a woman who gives birth to a baby, your Mommy(-ies) and/or Daddy(-ies) are the one(s) who raise you.  If two men want to start a family together, then yes, they’ll need help from a woman.  But that woman is not the mommy.  It’s no different than how you’d explain adoption by a straight couple.  “The Strattons flew to Beijing and brought little Daisy home.  Now they’re her Mommy and Daddy.”  Assure your children that the kids are in good hands, and that everyone ends up with the right parents for them.

7. Most importantly, just talk to your kids.

Your kids are bound to see a gay family sooner or later, even if it’s just Mitchell & Cameron on Modern Family.  So if they come to you with questions, it’s really important that you don’t get weird about it.  Don’t change the subject, don’t tell them they’re too young to understand and definitely don’t lie and say that the mommy is home doing dishes or off fighting in Afghanistan.  Otherwise the message you’re sending is that there’s a reason to be uncomfortable around gay families.  The same goes for all kinds of families, whether they have two moms, two dads, a single mom, a single dad, foster parents or if they’re being raised by wolves – just explain that that’s a different kind of family and gee, isn’t it nice that everyone’s a little different.

… which leads me to a big secret.

You see, there is a gay agenda.  It’s true.

What most people don’t realize is that the gay agenda isn’t “everybody should be gay”.  It’s “everybody should be themselves.”

Be a nerd, be a Yanni fan, be a real housewife of your particular geographic region.  Whatever.  It’s all part of the same cause, and it’s a great message to teach your kids.

I shouldn’t have to say this in 2012, but for anyone who’s still wondering, NO, I don’t want to make your kids gay.  I just want to live my life with a sense of mutual respect for everyone else on this planet.  If you want the same thing, then let your kids learn by your example.  Show them that nontraditional families are nothing to be afraid of.

Teaching your kids to be accepting of gay people and gay families is a great way to teach them acceptance in a broader sense – and to teach them the ultimate lesson: to be accepting of themselves.

I know some people think differently, but that’s what I call family values.